Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize