Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize