We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
