we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
