the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
