You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
