Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
