I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
