He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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