I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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