fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
