that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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