If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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