remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
