If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
