i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
