I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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