so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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