i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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