I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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