we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
did i just pee glitter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
