I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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