Your face is a jimmy john
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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