I wish life had little blips of pornography
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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