i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
