Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
