Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just found puke in my bra..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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