apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
