Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
