What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize