Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
