I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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