Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
