the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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