I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
