you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
