Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
