she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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