I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
