Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love having hate sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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