Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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