Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
