my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize