Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
