I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
