I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
