he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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