OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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