I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
