Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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