I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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