I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
