Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
