what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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