so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
