What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
