God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
