update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
