u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
