i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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