She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
