apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
