I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
