I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
