Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
